Sh#* My Kid Said

Penelope kept me entertained yesterday and today.

“Mommy, I want a godmother.”

“You have a godmother: Renee. She’s gonna keep you in check,” I told her.

“No, I want a real one…with wings…that can fly…who will sing and make me a carriage and a beautiful dress…” she explained.

Uh-oh. My friend Renee better get to work!


Penelope was sliding off a chair when she said, “I’m falling off! I need a bigger booty. Like YOUR booty, Mommy. It is SOOOOO big.”

Gee thanks kid.

At that point, my husband decided to chime in with, “Well…relative to her own, your booty IS pretty big.”

Gee thanks, husband.


All day Penelope was wearing an old pedometer on her shirt and carrying around one of our old smart phones.

“What are you doing with that stuff?” I asked.

“This is my pager, ” she said as she pointed to the pedometer. “I need to bring my pager and my phone with me ALL THE TIME so if I get called to work.”

Okay. Oh, and for the record, she DID get called for work about a dozen times during our walk downtown. We had to pause every few minutes for Penelope to “read her pager” and “call in to work.”

I can honestly say, my children definitely make my life more colorful.


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